Tabitha's Story

It all started when I was 15. I was going through some problems at middle school and dealing with a friends sudden death left me to feel alone. I started cutting myself to ease the pain and avoid dealing with reality. I had friends but none I'd talk to because this was my problem and I delt with my problems alone.

Not many people knew I was cutting myself. I was always covered up in sweaters and never wore shorts. My cutting did not become out of control until I got to high school. I was partying and doing drugs which felt as a relief to just be free and people I thought weren't judging me for it really were behind my back. I got kicked out of highschool for a year went on homestudy and I thought I was doing better by being away from the drama but I still hung out with everyone and went to school events. I didn't have many boyfriends due to they didn't want to deal with me because of my cutting. I had a boyfriend before I got kicked out and I thought he was the love of my life. I felt he cared about me because he didn't like me cutting myself and not to mention I had lots of times i tried cutting myself deep just to see how bad I would bleed and to see if I was gone if anyone would care.

Even though the cutting stopped for awhile another problem started. I started to not eat as much. Another way for me to punish myself silently without anyone knowing. This started because my boyfriend would hit me if he found a new cut on me. So to not piss him off I just started to not really eat. Thinking it was better than cutting myself and it was a way for me to have control on something while my relationship started to get worse. I started writing poetry just to have a way to put my thoughts and feelings on paper just so I didn't have to feel alone. I dealt with punches for not doing stuff right and would get left at parties because he thought I was being a flirt for saying hi to a guy. I dealt with a lot of physical and emotional abuse from him. But I thought he loved me because of all my problems he was still with me.

We had a mutual friend who was nice to me, but I didn't talk to him much because I didn't want to start problems with my boyfriend. As time went on our friend Jose noticed that I was depressed and would see the hits I got from my boyfriend. Eventually I left him and my friend Jose was there to help me through everything. I had a lot of ups and downs but he stuck by me when I cut myself or when I didn't eat and even for times I tried killing myself.

Down the road we got together had a daughter with each other and 11 yrs later we are stronger than ever. If it wasnt for him and our daughter I'd probably be doing the same stuff.

Everyday is a struggle there are times when I get overwhelmed and want to cut myself to relieve the stress and pain and there our days when I'm so hard on myself I don't want to eat. It's a struggle but everyday I get further in life and I'm not ashamed of my scars, it's a reminder for me to see how far I have came! I want people to know that depression/ suicide/ and anorexia is not a joke it's a disease and it can kill people and to know when people have these problems to help them and not to judge us.